...Littlebird wisdom...

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  1 Thessalonians 5.16

TIRED! Very Tired.  Tools and crap all over the place.  We did inventory today...and praise God it's almost over!

Toward the end of last week, we had an opportunity to lay out some goals for our summer with YouthWorks!.  I took this opportunity to be very honest with myself.  And now tonight, at a very late hour, I will be very honest with you.

I am prideful.  I believe I know it all.  I hide behind my ability to talk myself through many situations.  Sometimes, I run over people pretending we compromised, knowing full well, I got my way.  I talk down to people sometimes.  And honestly, as much as I quote Proverbs 18.21, I often speaks words that sound a lot more like death than life.  It's not pleasant to say, and it certainly isn't a pleasant thing to confess to you my friends.  But it is what it is.

That leads me to my goals.  I have decided that above all else, I LOOOOONG to gain a servant heart.  So often, I do good things, because there is some sort of payout for me.  It strokes my ego, makes me feel better about my shortcomings, or feeds the evil need for power that I sometimes struggle with.  The truth is, I am not a huge fan of serving others.  It pains my heart to say it, and tears stream down my face as I do.  It's not who I want to be.  I want to do everything for the glory of Jesus Christ who died on the cross that I might be saved.  I want to feed the hungry because they are hungry.  I want to paint a house because someone needs their house painted.  I want to build relationships with the preferred and denied because we all need relationships.  I want to pour into the lives of young people because I want so badly for them to know Jesus Christ...not just because it makes me look greater or holier, or even creates a built-in social system.  Don't get me wrong.  There are many reasons I work with students.  I love all of the students I have had the privilege to serve over the past nine years, but I find myself realizing that sometimes I poured into them for my own gain and sometimes not as much for theirs or God's.

So now we have exposed much of the truth of the matter, but friend, I praise God...GRACE ABOUNDS!!!  For those of you who have not been reading, I have moved to Lame Dear, Montana for the summer to work with a company called YouthWorks! on the Northern Cheyenne Reservation.  Since the moment we arrived I have been warmly welcomed by  a man name Lonnie Littlebird.  Lonnie works for the school we are living in.  This man has been such a servant to our crew.  He has talked to us about the culture and taken us on trips.  He has set up our Wi-Fi and pointed us to coffee shops on the Rez.  He has helped in every way possible.  Last night, we were talking about religion and Lonnie shared that he realizes more and more every day that the Cheyenne culture is a culture of prayer.  It is my belief, through my prayers and yours, God will grant me the desire of my heart; a heart to serve his people, a heart to serve Him.  I am tired of serving myself.  It is exhausting to serve and consume all at the same time.  I long to serve the God of the universe and all those He sees as valuable (that's you).  I long to have a heart like His.  Would you please join me in prayer on this journey.  I need your prayers and I will be happy to pray for you.  Together we will both develop the kind of relationship with Christ the makes us no longer central.  Lance

PS...I am going to a sweat lodge Thursday night.  I will let you know how it went.